


Not Forgotten

by morganoconner



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-28
Updated: 2010-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-18 06:23:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganoconner/pseuds/morganoconner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>A voice speaks to him – to <b>him</b>, not to the angel who shares his body – and it’s the first time anyone’s acknowledged his presence in so damn long that for a second, he wishes his tears were his own so that he could shed a few of them.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Forgotten

There’s not a lot about being chained to an angel that Jimmy enjoys. Most of the time, he’s not aware enough to know the difference one way or another, and honestly, that almost makes it worse. Sometimes, if he just knew what was going on, he thinks maybe he could handle it better.

Then again, he’s not really all that sure he _wants_ to know.

But the fact of the matter is, it’s not really up to him. The only times Jimmy gets a sense of the Real World is when Castiel is so overcome with emotion that he forgets to suppress the soul he’s still carrying around. He forgets to keep Jimmy asleep, and for a few blessed moments, Jimmy can _see_.

And that’s how he first sees the archangel.

He’s jolted awake from his almost endless slumber by a shock so disconcerting that he’s almost dizzy with it. His eyes – Castiel’s eyes, now, he sometimes thinks in the few moments he has to wonder about such things – are focused on a clear, pain-filled amber gaze, and something in Jimmy – in _Jimmy_ , not in Castiel – clenches tightly.

A voice speaks to him – to _him_ , not to the angel who shares his body – and it’s the first time anyone’s acknowledged his presence in so damn long that for a second, he wishes his tears were his own so that he could shed a few of them.

The words ring deep within him, and then he also wishes he could laugh.

_Well hey there, bucko. Nice of you to join the party._

Jimmy learns a lot about Gabriel, in that span of time when Castiel is too busy feeling angry and betrayed and disbelieving and awestruck to realize he’s awake.

But what he learns above all is that Gabriel – Gabriel, who ran from his home to try and avoid the fighting, to try to get away from the pain his family was causing each other – is probably the only angel besides the one he gave himself over to that he has any respect for.

Like Jimmy, Gabriel hasn’t always made the best decisions in his life. But his heart was most certainly in the right place.

That counts for a lot, in Jimmy’s eyes.

~*~

After that day, Jimmy spends a lot of time in the familiar darkness Castiel has always kept him cocooned in, surrounded by wings, blanketed in grace, given over to dreams.

Even mostly unaware as he is, with every bit of grace that falls away from Castiel, Jimmy feels that he is losing more and more of himself, as well. It scares him as much as it scares the angel, and he tries, desperately, to _stay_ in the comfort of his dreams now.

More and more often, those dreams turn to amber eyes, a mischievous smirk, and a laughing voice that he’s never been able to forget. And if he finds more comfort in these dreams than in any other, well, no one ever has to know but him.

~*~

When it happens, it happens all at once, and there’s nothing Jimmy can do to stop it. Castiel’s grace, what small bit remains of it, is pouring out of him, and Jimmy is going to disappear right along with it. He doesn’t know what’s supposed to happen to his soul now, doesn’t think there’s any point of reference for _this_ , but there’s definitely no more room for him here in his body, no matter what happens.

He does what he can for the unconscious Castiel first…has enough familiarity with how it feels to wrap himself around what bits of grace he can, ignoring the harsh burn of it, and use it to patch the worst of Castiel’s wounds before it flows away again.

And then, as the last remnants of that beautiful light drain away from the body that has carried it so far, Jimmy allows himself to be pushed out as well.

No room left at the inn, and the soul that used to be James Novak drifts…

…and drifts…

…and drifts…

~*~

Where the final loss of Castiel’s grace was fast and hard and _harsh_ , Gabriel’s death seems to happen in slow motion.

Jimmy isn’t sure how he wound up here, except that some part of him he may never understand has been drawn to Gabriel since he first knew of the archangel’s existence. He has just enough time to understand that there’s a _sword_ shoved in Gabriel’s chest, and then he’s moving, surrounding, _expanding._

As quickly as Gabriel’s grace – too hot, too pure, too _much_ – shatters and tries to fly apart, Jimmy is grasping at it, holding it together, keeping it locked in this unfamiliar, not-quite-human vessel. It hurts, it hurts more than anything ever has, _ever_ , but he never falters, not even when he can hear Gabriel screaming at him in shock and fear and confusion and wonder.

He tears himself apart to keep Gabriel together.

After, long after, when the devil is gone and the hotel lies in ruins and Gabriel is panting harshly as he struggles to sit up, he cradles Jimmy’s battered soul and mumbles out his thanks, even as he berates him for his _epic stupidity_ , and Jimmy can only not-whisper that is was worth it.

“Rest, Jimmy,” Gabriel tells him. “Be at peace, you moron.” The words are fond. “When it’s over, I’ll find you up there. Let you know how it all plays out. We’ll have a party. And believe me, I _know_ how to throw a party.” There’s a waggle of eyebrows.

Jimmy tries to object. He wants to stay.

“ _Rest_ ,” Gabriel says, more firmly. “You’ve earned it, and I can’t worry about you getting stuck down here while I try and help Dumb and Dumber.”

Jimmy wishes he could sigh. He’s tired, deeply tired, and to rest sounds like the brightest blessing he could be allowed. But…

“ _Please_ ,” Gabriel whispers, and it’s what Jimmy needs to hear.

With a sad sort of goodbye that he prays fervently won’t be forever, he lets Gabriel send him home.

~*~

In Heaven, he waits.


End file.
